Don't Call Me Strong

When Strength Starts to Feel Lonely

About five years ago, I started noticing a shift among my clients. Women who had once been assigned the label of “strong” started to recoil when the word was mentioned. For many women, being called strong no longer feels like a badge of honor. It feels more like a burden.

The label of “strong” often means doing more than your share, taking care of challenges created by someone else, and rarely being fully recognized for your efforts because people assume you are “strong enough” to handle it all.

Women who are labeled the strong one might hear phrases like:

“You can do more.”

“It never seems like you need my help.”

“You do it better than everyone else.”

But for many of my clients, being labeled the strong one is no longer a compliment. It can become a permission slip for others to overlook their needs, minimize their exhaustion, and expect them to keep showing up without enough care in return.

Research supports what many women already know in their bodies. Watson-Singleton (2017) found that the Strong Black Woman schema was linked to greater psychological distress and less perceived emotional support.

So, if you have reached your capacity with being expected to be the strong one in your family, your relationships, your workplace, or your community, therapy can be a space where you feel seen. It can be a place to name what you have been carrying, readjust your boundaries, and stop being everything for everyone.

You do not have to wait until you fall apart to deserve support.

If this reflection resonated with you, I invite you to reach out.